Families

Originally published in the Ketchikan Daily News, July 2006; written by Lisa Pearson.

I was thumbing through a new book of essays the other day, reading the occasional anecdote, when I came across one that sounded vaguely familiar. It wasn’t until I was halfway through when I realized that I had read this exact same story earlier in the week, albeit written by someone else. The same personal incident told by two different people in two different books that were added to the library collection in the same week? Coincidences like that cry out to be honored, so here we go:

The first book is a collection of 28 essays about parenting – embracing it, rejecting it, postponing it, and the difficulties that accompanied those decisions. The authors in “Maybe Baby”, edited by Lori Leibovich, include a woman who chose to be sterilized in her early unmarried thirties, as well as a woman whose third child was conceived when her first two were in high school. There are a number of essays from fathers (after all, the word ‘parent’ isn’t gender –specific) who write of their change in feelings as they morph from bachelor to husband to father. All the parents not only acknowledge the huge change their lives underwent after having children, but they refrain from any maudlin statements about ‘it all being worth it’. Having taken a lengthy path to motherhood, I appreciate the hunger for children and the delight of cuddling with your kids. However, despite the fact that mankind has been raising offspring for millennia (so it’s not rocket science) the process is not all beer and skittles, and it’s nice to read authors who face up to that fact without whining. These essays aren’t exactly humorous, but they’re not tear-jerkers. You’re most likely to find yourself nodding along as you read, thinking “Yep, that’s right, that’s how it was”. If you’re looking for an affirmation for your ambivalent feelings about parenthood, or if you need someone to tell you that it’s OK to look back on your pre-parenting days with wistful fondness, then thumb through the essays in this book.

If you’re looking for something a little less weighty, on a topic that has been comic fare for centuries, try “I Married My Mother-in-Law”, edited by Ilena Silverman. The essays in this collection touch upon the odd relationship that exists between in-laws: instant inclusion into the family without any emotional history upon which to draw. You’ve spent plenty of time – hopefully – getting to know your spouse, but in-laws are generally strangers until after the wedding, when the years of family get-togethers begin. These essays run the gamut of experience. There are some touching stories here of becoming part of the family, of increasing infirmity and death, and hostility and rejection. But most of the stories are light and amusing, as the authors recount years of dealing with odd personality quirks, different lifestyles, and embarrassing moments. The thing that differentiates the tone of “I Married My Mother-in-Law” from “Maybe Baby” is that in-laws are less essential to your happiness than your partner or children and therefore easier to shrug off. The situations are still universal, though, and will elicit a chuckle from anyone currently on speaking terms with their in-laws. And if you’re not at peace with your partner’s family, then perhaps this book isn’t for you.

As for the twice-told tale I mentioned at the beginning of this article: I’ll let you read both books and find it for yourself.